Writers Need Friends, Too

Now, I know that writers tend to be an introverted bunch, so strap in, because this could be an ugly ride. For you oddballs extroverts, this will be nothing new, so shuffle on down the page while the rest of us try to convince ourselves it’s worth actually interacting with other humans.

The sad reality is that writers are no longer allowed to be hidden word goblins, huddled over their writing device of choice, drinking enough to make their livers cry and avoiding daylight just in case they’ve succeeded at contracting vampirism. In this day and age, if you want to do this writing thing, you need friends. Lots of them. All different sorts. I’ll focus on the main ones here, the ones every writer should have in their lives, even if talking to people is hard.

Sometimes you’ve got to give in order to get, and that tends to be the basis of this relationship, at least initially. The gist is you have two writers, and they swap critiques of each other’s work. So what’s the point of this, other than to induce endless waves of anxiety and nail-biting? To improve, of course. Ideally, both partners walk away from their encounter with comments—both good and bad—and ways to improve their writing and/or story.

The important thing to remember about this interaction is that it’s supposed to be a positive experience. I know, it’s hard to be positive when people are tearing your work apart, right? But if you find a good critique partner, it can actually be a quite pleasant. Mostly because writers are weird, conflicting creatures. The point of the critique isn’t to tell you all the things you did wrong, but to highlight the things you can improve on in order to strengthen your writing. It’s meant to build up, rather than tear down. So you need a partner who can do that while still being honest (which, admittedly, is a hard act to juggle).

Ultimately, there are a few things to remember about critique partners. You don’t have to blatantly flatter, but make sure you point out the parts you like as well as the ones you think need to be reworked (often called a critique sandwich). Also, remember that everything is an opinion, so approach it as that. Just remember to give supporting examples (you know, like in that high school English class that you zoned out for). If you say you don’t like the prologue, make sure to say what exactly you don’t like about it and how you think it could be improved.

There are many names for this, but I like accountabilibuddy because it’s hella fun to say. Just not ten times fast. This is your partner in crime. The one who would not only help you hide the bodies but know the best ways to do it so as to not get caught (because they’ve done the research, just in case you don’t make your deadlines).

It’s proven that most people work best when there’s some sort of accountability. That’s where your accountabilibuddy comes in. They are not only your support, your lifeline, your motivator, but generally, you’ll be all these things to this person, too. So you’d better make sure you can put up with each other’s nonsense. This is the person who is going to crack the whip and keep you on track. They can oscillate between motivating and threatening in three seconds flat (and probably give you whiplash in the meantime). But they mean well, of course.

Writing can be a pretty lonely excursion, and if you spend too long talking only to the voices in your head, it’s a bad thing (or so I’ve been told). So the accountabilibuddy gives you someone to talk to, someone to coax you to put down your sixth cup of coffee, step away from the coffee pot, put your butt in that chair, and get to work on your writing to-do list. Oh, and you get to yell at them, in turn, which is always fun, because misery loves company. And they forgive you, of course, because they themselves are rounding their second hour surfing Twitter, and you’re both horrible slackers, but at least you have each other.

This person is no-nonsense. They don’t have time for your emotions, and frankly, they could care less. They will hurt your feelings, at least once, not because they intend to, but because writers are delicate flowers that wither if you breathe on them too hard, and sociopaths just aren’t that great at social cues. Which is why they’re fantastic! You want someone who will be brutally honest about your work in a highly logical, strategic fashion? You need yourself a sociopath.

Because they tend not to care about social norms, they’re more likely to tell you the truth. If it’s bad, they’ll tell you exactly why. Since they’re highly logical, they’ve thought it through. They’re not relying on some gut reaction as to why they’re just “not feeling it.” They’ve got lists and bullet points and probably suggestions on what it would take to improve your writing/story. On the flip side, if they say it’s good, then they mean it’s good. They’re not just trying to flatter you to spare your feelings, because what would be the point of that?

One tiny caveat: if you’re a sociopath who just happens to be a writer … maybe reconsider this suggestion. I’m not sure what it is, but from my experience, putting two sociopaths together in a room is a recipe for disaster. In the words of my very own sociopath, when asked why he doesn’t like other sociopaths: “They’re annoying.” So there you have it. (I love him anyway, though.)

Now, this one will overlap some others. After all, your accountabilibuddy and critique partner should both also be writers. But not all writers are made equal, and different writers have different things going for them. Some writers magically radiate positivity, and that can go a long way in your writing practice. Or, you know, just really, really annoy you. Which is why it’s great to know a whole array of writers, to fit your every mood. Odds are, however you’re feeling, there’s a writer for that. Need to bemoan existence and forget about writing? There’s probably a writer who can suggest the exact mixture of alcohol required to make you forget you ever had any troubles in the first place. Need a little boost after a rejection? There’s writers out there who can give you the encouragement you need to get back up and try again.

As I’ve said, writing can be an isolating pursuit, but don’t fall into that trap. Knowing people is important. Forming a network not only gives you a safety net, but provides resources, too. These people will be your source of knowledge and wisdom when you’re learning how to do something they’ve already done. You can celebrate their successes, and they’ll celebrate yours. Even more importantly, they know what you’re going through. If you get stuck, they probably know how to steer you towards fixing it. Writers also tend to be really good at helping brainstorm solutions to problems. In fact, most are glad to do so, because it gives their muse something to do instead of sicking Plot Bunny #239 on them while they’re still trying to write Plot Bunny #2.

Research is important, but in reality, it can only get you so far. At some point, you have to admit what you don’t know. But not to worry! There are people for that! If you’re writing a crime drama, find a medical professional who will answer your question about decaying corpses without reporting you to any authorities. If you’re writing about a different culture or country, find someone who belongs to that group who will allow you to ask them silly questions until their eyes pop out of their head from rolling one too many times. Even if you’re the most thorough researcher ever, it helps to have people in your corner with first-hand experience who will put up with a question or two or twenty to ensure accuracy.

For writers, this might be the most terrifying type of person to know, because of course, they hold the fate of your novel in their hands! Well, maybe not, but it is pretty nerve-wracking to send your stuff out to, oftentimes, strangers and wait for their approval or disapproval. I mean, I don’t need your validation, of course … but that doesn’t mean I don’t want it.

As terrifying a thought as it may be, though, it’s an important one. There’s a whole process around betas and for good reason. I’m not going to go into the whole thing here, but suffice it to say, you should have a whole herd of betas to unleash on your manuscript.

Is there anyone I missed? Do you have all these people as part of your “writing team,” or does yours look different? I’d love to hear from you in the comments below.