My Favorite Books With Snarky Characters

Posted June 4, 2019 by Sammie in book list, recommended, top ten tuesdays / 30 Comments

It’s no secret that I love me some snark, with a side of sarcasm and maybe a hint of delicious banter. Nothing will convince me to read a book faster.

And I don’t mean the bratty sort of sarcasm that comes naturally to children and teenagers. I mean the fine-tuned, sharpened, honed sort of wit that comes from experience and can cut someone to the quick while still seeming like a perfect gentleman/woman. Well, mostly.

This week’s Top Ten Tuesday is meant to be books from my favorite genre, but … 95% of what I read is fantasy, and I’m very vocal about my favorites, so there’s not really any surprises there.

Also, while snarky characters isn’t technically a genre, it totally should be, so it definitely counts.

Dragon Divider

A Crown of Wishes

Snark Level: Romantic

Because threatening to kill your significant other is romantic … right? Or … wait, have I been doing this wrong?

Gauri and Vikram are one of my favorite fantasy couples, because the banter between them is just everything. They’re both leaders, both strong characters, used to getting their way, whatever it takes. Not so great at playing with others. Hey, we’ve all got our faults, right? Hate-to-love is one of my favorite tropes to start off with, and the way these two characters played off each other was just pure gold.

“Ignoring the indescribable stupidity of not bringing any useful weapons, you did keep us alive. Now just keep quiet.”
“Brilliant advice, Princess. Right up there with ‘Breathing is rather useful if you want to live.’”
“You should listen to me, Fox. Who’s the one with more experience at surviving as a prisoner?”
“And who’s the one who was never stupid enough to become a prisoner in the first place? At the moment, I’d say one of our opinions is more useful than the other.”
I glared. “If they don’t behead you, I will.”

And as if that weren’t enough, tack on a delightfully snarky vetala (a corpse possessed by an evil spirit). While his role in the story is pretty brief (far shorter than I’d like), there’s no denying his character’s a fun one.

“If you die, you die. Do not feel bad. I died. And I am quite fine,” said the vetala. “If you do, however, manage to be killed—and by the looks of you, I would not be surprised so much as irritated—please try to keep your heads. You’re no use to me decapitated.”


Dragon Divider

Steelheart

Snark Level: Hopelessly Nerdy

This really applies to all three books in The Reckoners series by Brandon Sanderson, so I just chose the first one. Because for some reason, that’s where you usually start.

David is trying, okay? Like, really hard. He’s just … really nerdy. Like the best of us. And sometimes being nerdy makes it hard to also be “normal” at the same time. But normal’s overrated, which is why David is awesome. He’s really good at what he knows, which is mainly weapons. You know, as you do. The only thing he’s really got going for him at this point is the sarcasm. Well, and, you know, the guns. But mainly the sarcasm.

“Can I borrow David?”
“Please, Prof,” Cody said, “we’re friends. You should know by now that you needn’t ask something like that … you should be well aware of my standard charge for renting one of my minions. Three pounds and a bottle of whiskey.”
I wasn’t sure if I should be more insulted at being called a minion, or at the low price to rent me.

He’s also really, really bad at figurative language. I’m 95% sure Brandon Sanderson included this character trait as homage to all the writers out there who most definitely probably have used the same awful figurative language in their first drafts.

The buzzing was like the eager purr of a muscle car that had just been started, but left in neutral. That was another of Cody’s metaphors for it; I’d said the sensation felt like an unbalanced washing machine filled with a hundred epileptic chimpanzees. Pretty proud of that one.


Dragon Divider

A Man Called Ove

Snark Level: Curmudgeon

Ove really is just the old man in us all. Yes, even me. Maybe especially me. People are a hassle. Modernity is a hassle. He just longs for a time when things were simpler. Also, maybe for people to have just a teensy bit more logic. Or, like, any logic whatsoever. Which, you have to admit, is fair.

Ove looks at the group assembled around him, as if he’s been kidnapped and taken to a parallel universe. For a moment he thinks about swerving off the road, until he realises that the worst case scenario would be that they all accompanied him into the afterlife.

His nemesis is Cat. While Cat doesn’t speak (you know, because it’s a cat), it’s probably the snarkiest character in the whole dang book. Because we all know that cats are jerks. Expressive jerks. You know exactly what they mean when they’re trying to sass you.

Ove stomped forward. The cat stood up. Ove stopped. They stood there measuring each other up for a few moments, like two potential troublemakers in a small-town bar. Ove considered throwing one of his clogs at it. The cat looked as if it regretted not bringing its own clogs to lob back.


Dragon Divider

Illuminae

Snark Level: Teenager/AI

I knew I was going to love these books almost from the start. I know I said that I wasn’t talking about teen snark, but let me tell you, Kady and Ezra are professionals, regardless of their age. As soon as I cracked open this book and started reading their interviews, I knew we were going to get along just fiiiiine.

Interviewer: You evacuated at that stage?
Kady Grant: You make it sound way more organized than it was.
Interviewer: How was it?
Kady Grant: All kittens and rainbows. Apart from the screaming and explosions.

As if that’s not enough (and let’s be honest, it is), we get an extra bit of snark and brilliance in the form of AIDAN, your mass-murdering friendly neighborhood AI. He’s doing his best, but sarcasm is hard for humans. It doesn’t exactly come naturally to him. And his best moments are when he’s accidentally funny or sarcastic, because he’s oblivious.

“Um, because you’re loopier than Flacky McPsycho, Mayor of Crazytown?”
“My databases show no record of this Crazytown of which you speak. A brain the size of an entire city burns inside me. My intelligence quotient is beyond the human scale. I would prefer if you did not refer to me in such a fashion.”
“Oh, poor baby. Did I hurt the mass-murdering psychopathic artificial intelligence’s feelings?”


Dragon Divider

The Cruel Prince

Snark Level: Ruthless

Everything about this book is pretty brutal. That’s why I love it so. Jude is certainly no slouch when it comes to sarcasm, and her words can definitely have an edge when she wants them to, but I feel like the real star of the show here is Cardan. And why not? He’s so dramatic and an attention whore, so it fits perfectly. He doesn’t like doing much of anything that requires any real effort, so I feel it’s pretty lucky that sarcasm seems to come so easily to him.

“There you are,” Cardan says as I take my place beside him. “How has the night been going for you? Mine has been full of dull conversation about how my head is going to find itself on a spike.”


Dragon Divider

Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy

Snark Level: Epidemic

I mean, let’s be honest: everybody is a snark master in this book. Even the narrator. Maybe especially the narrator. Which is part of why I love this book so much. Douglas Adams is the master of comedy (or one of them, at least), so it’s no surprise that pretty much all of his characters are sarcastic and witty.

Perhaps one of the best known (and most ridiculous, in a good way) is Zaphod Beeblebrox, but that’s not to say that Arthur Dent and Ford Prefect don’t have their own snarky charms. Because they totally do. This goes for the entire series, not just the first book. Though, I’m not sure any of them can quite compare to Marvin The Paranoid Android, who’s just purely a brilliant character all around, end of story.

“Hey, this is terrific!” he said. “Someone down there is trying to kill us!”
“Terrific,” said Arthur.
“But don’t you see what this means?”
“Yes. We are going to die.”
“Yes, but apart from that.”
“Apart from that?!”
“It means we must be on to something!”
“How soon can we get off it?”


Dragon Divider

The Picture of Dorian Gray

Snark Level: Innate

If Dorian Gray exists to be a warning to all narcissists and those casually venturing down that path, then I’m convinced that Lord Henry Wotton exists to be a paragon for the snarky. I’m pretty sure that is the only purpose he has for existing, and he does it so well that I’m not even mad about it. While I don’t always agree with Lord Wotton’s viewpoint, I do feel him, deep in my soul: a sort of kindred pessimism towards the world. He’s a lovely character.

“To get back my youth I would do anything in the world, except take exercise, get up early, or be respectable.”


Dragon Divider

I Have A Bad Feeling About This

Snark Level: Comedic

While Jeff Strand’s books tend to be waaaay out there in terms of plot (a little more than I generally read and enjoy), he’s got the snark stuff down. Probably because he writes a lot of teenagers, and as we’ve discussed, they are really just hormones and snark bundled into a somewhat humanoid package. This was the first book of his that I read, and I immediately took to Henry Lambert. Not only was he wonderfully sarcastic, but he also had a point. I mean, who the heck wants to go camping when you can play video games? Video games only very rarely kill you. Camping kills a lot of people, okay? Henry was just another one of those characters that I felt a deep soul connection to, because we are both equally pathetic and snarky.

“This could be a life-changing experience.”
“More like a life-ending experience.”
“This could turn you into a man. How were you planning to become a man?”
“I just kind of thought my body would keep growing.”


Dragon Divider

Good Omens

Snark Level: Demonic

This should shock absolutely no one, but I absolutely adore Crowley. He’s suave and confident and oh so very snarky. It’s charming. Also not much of a surprise that out of a book of angels and demons, I would choose the demon, because that is apparently how I roll (though, I confess, my favorite character in this is probably Death, what little part he plays). There’s a second really snarky character, though, that I just adore, and that’s Newton Pulsifer. Mostly because he doesn’t always intend to be snarky. It seems to just happen. Sort of like computers just spontaneously combust when he so much as touches them. It’s a rather geeky, mild form of snark which I enjoyed immensely.

“Watch out for that pedestrian!”
“It’s on the street, it knows the risks it’s taking!” said Crowley.


Dragon Divider

Warlock Holmes

Snark Level: Relatable

Dear, poor Dr. Watson is just overflowing with all sorts of snark and sarcasm … and who can blame him? As charming and affable as Warlock Holmes is … well, he’s also a bit of a nightmare to live with, I imagine. Good roommates don’t go around summoning dead horses to your flat until you find just the right one for the case you’re working on. You know, among other things. I love this for two simple reasons. One, Warlock is such a lovable character, despite (or maybe because of?) his eccentricities. Two, this doesn’t make me feel any less bad for poor Watson, and if anyone has earned the right to be snarky, it’s him.

“If Grogssson’s got the case, you might as well rifle the body, rob the place and draw a moustache on the corpse; he wouldn’t mind.”


Chat With Me

Who are some of your favorite snark characters? What makes you love them so much?

30 responses to “My Favorite Books With Snarky Characters

    • I do have to say that I think Cardan only got better in the second book, too. xD I wasn’t so impressed with Jude as much in The Wicked King. But I’m pretty excited to see what Queen of Nothing brings!

    • I haven’t yet, but it’s for sure on my TBR now! Thanks for the recommendation. 😀 I read an excerpt, and it looks so good!

    • Definitely recommend them! The Good Omens mini-series was pretty great, too, but I highly recommend reading the book before watching the show. 🙂 And there’s a new book that just came out for Warlock Holmes, and I’m waiting so impatiently for my library to get it in, because I need more of that in my life. xD

  1. I love this twist on this week’s topic! I’ve only read a couple of these, but the quotes are great! I’ll definitely have to check out some of these others.

    • A fantastic list – snarky characters are the best! I loved The Cruel Prince, and you’ve given me a few more to add to my TBR. A Crown of Wishes sounds particularly good!

      • Hope you enjoy them! A Crown of Wishes was great. The first one was good, too, A Star-Touched Queen. But I liked the second book better. 🙂

  2. I’ve only read The Cruel Prince but I adore snarky characters and will definitely be checking some of these out. I own several of the Warlock Holmes books. If you like romantic stark and banter, definitely check out the Veronica Speedwell mysteries by Deanna Raybourn. They are all awesome. And yes, I agree, snark should have its own genre!!!

    • A new Warlock Holmes just came out last month! You know, just in case you haven’t heard. I’m waiting on my library to go through their process of acquiring it … less than patiently. xD

      You know, I was trying to figure out why Veronica Speedwell sounded so familiar. Funny coincidence. My library just got in what’s apparently book four, and the cover caught my attention last week and I glanced over it (but put it back because I already have, like, five books out LOL). Thanks for the rec! Soon as I turn in some of these, I’ll have to check those out. 🙂

    • Thanks! Glad you liked it. I had such fun with it. I’m pretty sure that’s what makes THGttG such a great series, though. xD It’s really hard not to fall in love with all the characters.

  3. I think you just gave me a wonderful idea for the character freebie post coming up in the future for TTT. Thank you! I love me some snark.

    • … there’s a character freebie post coming up? You know, I really should start looking ahead on prompts. xD Glad I could help! haha.

    • Me, too! Rickman had the perfect voice for that particular character, in my opinion. That was probably my favorite thing of the whole movie.

  4. I quite honestly needed more Crowley in Good Omens haha. And yes yes to Hitchhiker’s Guide. Especially the first 2 cracked me up.

  5. Faith

    For the best snarky character ever written, look no further than Sevro au Barca from the Red Rising series by Pierce Brown.
    Example 1:
    Sevro “We could ransom her. Threaten to kill her unless Agrippina joins us or at least stops pissing all over our plans.”
    Victra “You’re a sinister little shit, aren’t you?”
    Sevro “I’m Gold, bitch. What’d you expect? Warm milk and cookies just because I’m pocket-sized?”

    Example 2:
    Sevro “You! Troll! I’m a terrorist warlord! Stop throwing me. You made me drop candy! Wait. Where is it? Dammit, Ragnar. Where is my peanut bar? You know how many people I had to kill to get that. Six! Six!”

  6. Andrew Martin

    I’d like to suggest adding the Bartimaeus trilogy to this list. Here’s the Wikipedia entry for the author.

    “Among his works are the best-selling Bartimaeus Trilogy, which has received note for its satire and use of magic to explore themes of class struggle. By narrating the story from the perspective of Bartimaeus, a sarcastic and slightly egomaniacal djinni, Stroud examines the stereotypes and ethics of the magician class and the enslaved demons.”

    • I haven’t read this series yet! It comes highly recommended, though, and it definitely belongs on this list, based on everything I’ve heard about it so far. I’m looking forward to getting a chance to read it!

Leave a Reply

CommentLuv badge