Everyone knows the Jeff Foxworthy jokes that start with “you might be a redneck if …” right?
If you don’t, look them up, because they’re funny and everyone could use a laugh right about now, I’d wager. I grew up on these jokes (spoiler alert: yes, I’m a redneck), so I jumped all over this week’s Top Ten Tuesday prompt.
Today’s Top Ten Tuesday is ten signs you’re a book lover.
Which, okay, you being here is one, right off the bat. I’m not going to use that because it’s too easy and I should have to work at things, or so I’ve been told. I absolutely loved this idea, though.
I’ve specifically chosen to gear this towards fantasy bookwyrms, because not all bookwyrms are made equal, okay? For some reason, stabbiness is frowned upon in romance, because y’all are weird, and have words like psycho and murderer for cases like that. Pffft.
See? I rest my case. So clearly, we fantasy readers have to be separated from the rest, most likely for their safety and well-being. But also because they’re no fun. I mean, no stabbing? Who ever heard of such a thing?!
You might be a fantasy bookwyrm if …
You’ve ever considered the merits of necromancy.
Let’s be honest … who hasn’t? At least once. Death is extremely inconvenient. Especially when you’ve got a TBR nipping at your heels that’ll easily take five lifetimes to get through and somehow seems to magically grow overnight, fueled by its righteous fury. Necromancy is the reset button of the fantasy world. Better, even. In extreme cases, you may not need to eat anymore or sleep. Just think of all that time you’re saving by not having to worry about all those pesky biological processes that keep you alive! Mostly because, you know, you’re dead. Sort of.
You have an ever-growing list of reasons not to conduct business with the Fae.
Bonus points if your only reason to interact with the Fae consists of: they’re kinda sexy. Okay, fair. Buuut, your cons column seems a little heavy there. Forget coming up with a zombie plan. You’re ankle deep in figuring out how to avoid the Fair Folk and reminding yourself that you for sure don’t want to barter with them. No matter how good it sounds. Or how sexy they are. You know what? You could probably use a little more preparation.
You have plenty of bookish boyfriends/girlfriends, but surprisingly few that wouldn’t likely result in your untimely demise.
Because love is hard, okay? And so is life in a fantasy world. I mean, it’s a well-known fact that bad boys are sexy, yes? So it stands to reason that sword-wielding, war-weary, rather-stab-you-than-look-at-you men are also sexy, right? I’m pretty sure that’s how it works. Sometimes danger is just part of the game. You’ve just got to learn how it’s played, that’s all.
You’ve lost all ability to tell who’s the hero and who’s the villain.
Heroes are optional. Morals are optional. Options are optional. Who said there had to be a good guy and a bad guy? Or that heroes can’t also be mass-murdering psychopaths that just also happen to have a side gig of making the world a better place? Where’s that rule written, huh?! A lot of fantasy walks this fine line where everything exists in shades of gray, and I love it. Gray looks nice on you. Very flattering. You should wear it more often.
You’ve already picked out what weapon warrior!you would use.
Same goes for magic. You for sure have a preference, either way. That might change from time to time, when you’re reading a new book and come across a particularly badass combination that you would totally rock. But for the most part? You know 100% that you’d be duel wielding with a fire affinity, even though you’d probably be the idiot to set their comrades on fire. *shrug* All’s fair in love and war. Probably not quite what they meant when they said some people like to watch the world burn. But hey, I’ll bring marshmallows at least, okay? We can have s’mores.
You don’t even blink as limbs are torn asunder, but stumble across one super mushy love scene and you’re gagging.
Just me? No. I refuse to believe this is just me. You all know what I’m talking about. Romance is fine, so long as there are no googly eyes or grand proclamations of love. I mean, sure, sometimes you have to hack a guy’s arm off or cut their eyeball out, but these things happen, through no fault of your own. Romance should be every bit as tough and brutal as the world,. None of these wilting daisies and gentle wooing, please and thanks.
You’ve ever contemplated what fantastical creature you could realistically keep as a pet.
Preferably without it destroying you, but you know what? That’s not necessarily a prerequisite. You do you. Yeah, yeah, dragons are fearsome beasts, tear you limb from limb, yada yada, forsake hope, blah, blah. I still want one, and I’ll name him Reginald. Reggie for short. It’ll be a glorious 15.29 days that I own him before I either run out of enough food to sustain him and start feeding him my neighbors or he viciously turns and devours me. Eh, it’s a risk you take.
Sarcasm and snark are your lifeblood.
And what is with this? Wait, no, I’m not complaining, because I absolutely love this, but this seems very niche to sci-fi and fantasy. Oh, sure, there will be some snarky romance, general fiction, chick lit, etc. But it’s basically not fantasy if there’s not at least one person who can throw shade and is more savage with their words than their sword. But also, they’re savage with that, too. There’s always at least one. If I’m honest, that’s usually my favorite, too.
You’ve been waiting all your life for it to finally be revealed that you are, in fact, the chosen one.
But you’re trying not to make it obvious. Because it only happens to people who aren’t expecting it. So you’re sort of looking out of the corner of your eye, waiting for the moment to sneak up on you so you can act surprised. Say whaaaat? I’m some super powerful witch who could either doom or save the world? Aw, shucks. Who would’ve guessed. (*cough*everyoneobviouslyhaveyouseenmeplease*cough*).
Don’t even pretend. I see all you adults out there, still trying to get over the fact that you never received your Hogwarts letter. For me, I spent my pre-teen years disappointed that I was never sucked into a digital world where weird little programmed monsters obeyed my every command, but you know what? We all have our cross to bear.
You start to think of daily life in terms of quests.
Because life is harrowing. Why, just the other day, you took your life in your hands and braved danger just going out to the mailbox. You fought your way through jungles of wild, untamed grasses; chased away a snarling, slobbering wolfish beast; and crossed a wide expanse of gray, inhabited by nothing but giant metal killing machines. And you’re still alive to tell about it. Way to go, you.
Ha, I love this list! And, yeah, I used to be enamoured with faeries. Now I’d be pretty leery of conducting business with them after seeing how many ways that can go sideways.
My TTT .
Lydia recently posted…Wednesday Weekly Blogging Challenge: Favourite Things to Do in the Spring
Thanks! I think I liked them more as a child, when the stories about them were always positive and full of magic. xD And then you learn the actual lore behind the Fae and … yikes. Haha.
This is an awesome twist on the theme this week! And hmmm, I seem to fit most of these so I guess I’m a fantasy bookwyrm?? 🙂
Tammy @ Books, Bones & Buffy recently posted…What’s On My Plate – April 2020
Congrats! Welcome to the club. We have this commemorative knife, this stylish witch’s hat, and also this old grimoire that we’re not sure quite what it does, but everyone gets one anyway. *shrug* Good luck! xD
This is such a fun take on the TTT! I love this list! I was just reading all the points and smirking like an evil mastermind😂. I love contemporary books, but I need a good fantasy series to balance them out as well!
My TTT
Anna Nicholson recently posted…Ten Signs You’re a Book Lover- Top Ten Tuesday
Ha, I’m glad you like it! Fantasy is my first love, but I definitely try to balance it out with some contemporary here and there. I mean, it can’t be *all* stabby murder books or you get slightly out of balance lol.
hahaha!! I LOVE this topic so much!! I relate on so many levels. I did take the easy way out this week. LOL.
Leslie recently posted…All the Stars and Teeth by Adalyn Grace
There’s nothing at all wrong with the easy way out. xD Goodness knows that’s the way I take whenever given the chance haha.
I love your unique approach to the topic!!!
I don’t read much fantasy, but this post still made me laugh 🙂
Happy TTT!
Susan
http://www.blogginboutbooks.com
Ah, well, we can’t all by fantasy bookwyrms. The world would probably collapse if that were the case. xD
This was fun! I do love it when I’m confused about whether my main character is the hero or villain. But as someone who loves romance AND fantasy, can’t we have both?? 😉
Dedra @ A Book Wanderer recently posted…Top Ten Tuesday: Ten Signs You’re a Book Lover
I mean, I suppose you can, you weirdo, you. 😉 But I still think stabby romances are more fun haha. I can’t lie, I’ve read some really sweet fluffy fantasy romances lately, so it definitely makes a nice change lol.
It is nice to alternate between the two. 😉
Dedra @ A Book Wanderer recently posted…ARC Book Review: The Honey-Don’t List by Christina Lauren
I don’t want to be the Chosen One. (No really.) All I want is to find my portal to another world where I can go play with dragons and then come home without having to worry about how to feel the huge beasts. 😉
Also… I guess I’m in a slightly different fantasy bookwyrm niche than you are. I’m a little less on the shabby side and little more on the romance side. But 100% with the snark.
Nicole @ BookWyrmKnits recently posted…Top Ten Tuesday ~ Authors New-To-Me from 2019
“All I want …” like you’re not asking for a lot. xD Okay, so it’s not quite the Chosen One, but still haha.
Well, you know, a different niche still counts lol. You can still join the club. I know a lot of fantasy readers who are more into the romance side of things.
You’re posts are just what I need right now. These are awesome reasons. And you know, if there actually WAS some stabbiness in romance, maybe I’d read more of it. Hey, you hurt the ones you love right? You are right, snark and fantasy goes hand in hand and I was snarky before snarky was cool so you know I love that reason.
Well hope you guys are all doing well. I ‘m off to hang out in SPAM until you find me. Hey, it’s blogger hide-n-seek!
I’m glad you liked it! Yes, MOAR STABBY ROMANCE, please and thank you. Exactly. You hurt the ones you love. And the ones you don’t love. Sometimes emotionally, sometimes mentally, sometimes with a knife. xD
I FOUND YOU. It’s your turn now. xD We’re hanging in there. Hope you and the mister and the pups are all staying safe!
I could definitely use a little work on resisting the fae – I could not hold up against Cardan Greenbriar for long! 😄 (And I’m also a grown adult waiting for my Hogwarts letter. Where I would ideally raise my pet Phoenix.)
Loved this list!
Ooof, I think Cardan would test even the most steadfast among us. Heck, it might even be worth it. Is it going to bite you in the butt in the end? Almost assuredly. But would you do it anyway because when else are you going to get the chance? HECK YES! xD (I would totally also choose a phoenix. You know, so my dragon isn’t too lonely.)
I’m definitely right there with the romance thing! Same with the sarcasm and snark.
Thanks for reminding me about the Eric Carter series – I have to continue that.
Check out my TTT and my March Read Harder Challenge Update
It’s amazing how many people appreciate sarcasm and snark. I can’t imagine where we could possibly all get that from. xD
I love the different approach!!!!
I love your take on the topic! So much fun!
I love that you geared your post towards fantasy bookwyrms. I can relate to all of these, except maybe the waiting all my life for it to be revealed as the chosen one. I prefer to read about the chosen one’s adventures from the comfort of my nice, SAFE home!
I might be a fantasy bookwyrm… Oh my how I love your list and am literally dying here! 😉 😀
Freda Mans-Labianca recently posted…March Monthly News
Omg I completely love how you set this up! That was hysterical!
Susan recently posted…Actions Speak Louder Than Words. The Book Of Koli, By M.R. Carey, Is A Warning Shot- What If Mother Nature Just Stops Listening?
My god, your list was so brilliant, I’m actually a little jealous.
“Heroes are optional. Morals are optional. Options are optional.”
Yes. This.
I have wondered what magical creature I would choose as my pet. 😀 Fun list.
Lark recently posted…Top Ten Tuesday…
Haha brilliant, Sammie – I love your fantasy twist on this topic. I have totally considered what fantastical creature I would have as a pet and I would like a billybumbler from Stephen King’s Dark Tower series, please. 😁
jessicabookworm recently posted…WWW Wednesday | 1st April 2020
Sarcasm and Snark are for real my life line. I am complete trash for smart ass characters ESPECIALLY in fantasy books… give it to me!! Also yes I will never trust the Fae after reading The Cruel Prince… except maybe Cardan 😉 if he could convince me lol. Great post 🙂
Sammie! This list is absolute perfection and as usual, your posts have me cracking up the whole way through! Haha this was such a joy to read and so spot on (well, okay except for the love stuff for me because we all know I’m a big sucker for the lurve <–feel free to gag at that!)! 🤣 If it were ever revealed that I was the chosen one we'd all be fcked so that's something I still never wish for 😅 But I do need to tell myself fae aren't these sexy creatures that won't mess you over. They're certainly sexy but I'd for sure be dead in probs five seconds around them LOL fab post as usual!
*gags at your insistence on mushy love* I still love you, though, and that’s all that matters. <3 Whaaat? I would love you to be the chosen one. I would for sure follow you into danger. *mumbles*towatchyougetyourbuttkicked. *cough* I think if the Fae weren't so sexy, they'd have nothing. But pffft, how can you argue with that face? xD
Okay, this list is pure perfection. I love your take on using fantasy and just how relatable and funny this all is! I also love that so much fantasy has been showing that morally gray area when it comes to heroes or villains, so I’m glad to see you mention that! Awesome job on this one!
Thanks, I’m glad you liked it! I’m definitely loving the “shades of gray” trend, and I hope it never goes away. I hate when things seem so cut-and-dry or “evil just because” sorts of things.
[…] Sammie @TheWriterlyWay – Does a spin on this weeks Top Ten Tuesday by talking about what makes a bookworm a lover of fantasy and the reasons are all sooo relatable and accurate, loved this post 🙂 […]
Ahahaha, great list! I have DEFINITELY contemplated what fantastical creature to keep as a pet (fire lizards!).
Fire lizards are a GREAT choice. How fun would they be? *makes note to buy stock in fire extinguishers, just in case*
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omg this is so me you’ve ever contemplated what fantastical creature you could realistically keep as a pet.
I wanted most animals in Harry Potter lol
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Ahaha, who didn’t? I would absolutely love 99% of the magical creatures in that series.