Where there is a blog, there are spammers. It’s a sad fact of blogging life. These comments can vary from annoying to mildly funny to just random.
But you know what? This is a book blog, and therefore, I’m going to naturally assume that my spammers are also readers. Because why not? They’re here, after all, even if for a brief second to copy and paste their comments and move on.
I try to check my spam inbox at least every few days, and I’ve definitely noticed a pattern to some of the spam comments. Combine that with the fact that recommending books is kind of what I do, and … here we are!
I was originally going to do simply things I’ve learned from my spam comments (because phew, you have no idea the things I’ve seen), but Susan @ Novel Lives came up with the idea that I recommend books to each group of spammer instead, and I loved the idea. Listen, I’ll take any excuse to throw books at people. I’m not too proud to admit it.
The “get better followers” crowd.
Listen. I don’t know where y’all went wrong, but apparently, you’re not cutting it. Their words, not mine. I constantly get spam comments telling me that I need better followers. Not more. Not consistent. Just … better. They also don’t define what makes followers “better,” but I’m suspecting dragons are involved, so if y’all could get working on that, that’d be great, thanks. In the meantime, here are some books with great crews, so you can take notes on how the whole crew thing is done.
“You should get a proofreader, because you have spelling mistakes in your post.”
Whatever the point of these spam comments is … I don’t know, because it’s not even advertising a proofreading service (which would make sense). It’s just like … hey, your have high-quality posts, but a lot of spelling errors, so you should get a proofreader. Those are the nice ones. The others are just like … you suck at the grammar thing, yo. I may be paraphrasing. Here are some great writing books, so that both of us can take notes and hopefully improve our craft.
I love your blog posts.
Thanks! I mean, I know you don’t mean it, because whatever follows is spammy junk, but your opinion means so much to me, random spammer. Since you like my blog so much, though, here are some books that I love that you might also love.
The end of times is niiiiigh!
I know you’ve got a really elaborate, well-thought out, dissertation-esque comment that explains exactly why it’s the end times, but … you really shouldn’t have. No, really. I believe you. You don’t have to work so hard to convince me that the world is ending. In the last few months, days, or hours until the planet’s messy and untimely demise, though, can I interest you in a few dystopian books to make your final moments worth it?
Random Chinese comments.
I’m not sure what I’ve done to somehow imply or lead people to believe that I can read Mandarin, but … *glances around* come closer, I have a secret … *whispers in ear* I can’t. No, not even a little. I’m not even sure it was Chinese and not Japanese, because I didn’t look closely. (Spoiler alert: I can’t read Japanese, either.) This spam has dwindled lately, thank goodness. For those considering leaving spam comments in any East Asian language, how about checking out these East-Asian-inspired books instead?
Comments not in English.
I can only read three language: English, Spanish, French. No one’s leaving me spam comments in French and Spanish, though, because I suspect they know. Instead, I’ve gotten comments in Greek and German. I assume they were spam, but I guess I can’t really be sure, now can I, since I can’t read either language. So here are some works written in other languages that have been translated into English to enjoy instead.
How did you design your blog/what’s your theme, because I love it and want to improve my blog.
This would almost be flattering and entice me to answer … if it weren’t always the same spam URL leaving the comments. Look, I love helping other bloggers. If you legitimately have a question about anything I do, I’m more than happy to chat with you about it. But as for spammers? Ain’t nobody got time for that. So why not gawk at some lovely looking covers instead?
Ha ha love this! I do have to say, it’s getting harder and harder to tell spam from real comments. Sometimes the only way you can tell is by the URL associated with the comment.
Tammy @ Books, Bones & Buffy recently posted…Buffy’s Corner – Looking at the Week Ahead 6/21/20
Yeah, there have been some genuinely nice-sounding comments and then you look at the link and it’s like … darn. xD They got me again.
😄 Your blog always makes me laugh 💗
I can be your proofreader! I’m not a professional, I just like spelling, lol.
AB @ iwishiownedabookstore recently posted…The Bear and the Nightingale by Katherine Arden
Thanks! You are officially dubbed the Royal Unprofessional Proofreader. *whacks you on the head with a sword*
This is hilarious. I also kind of like the spam comments that tell me nice things, though! :p
And I have questions about the “better followers” one. Is that…a compliment? Like your blog is so awesome that cooler people should know about it?? Or is it an insult? Hmmm.
Briana @ Pages Unbound recently posted…Where Are All the Fathers in YA Books? (A Look at My 2020 Reads)
It’s sort of a double-edged sword, right? The comment looks like a perfectly normal one and you think, aw, they love the blog! And then you see the spam site and it’s like … I’m gonna just pretend they love me anyway. xD
I think it’s a compliment on my part? Probably an insult on yours, though haha. Why can’t you be cooler? xD
Ha! This is good. I’ve seen all types of spam comments on mine, but lately I’ve been getting a lot to do with antivirus software and travel to south east Asia. The real kicker: lately almost all been on my Nightmare Before Christmas book tag from a couple of years ago… I haven’t gotten any in other languages recently though. I did used to get some that were Chinese. Never any Japanese though, so I can’t even practice my Japanese language skills (I’m better at spoken rather than written). 😁
Lauren @ Always Me recently posted…Mid-Year Book Freak Out 2020
Oooh, travel. How luxurious. Why don’t I get any neat travel spam? D: Do I not deserve a vacation?
It’s because THEY KNOW. So of course they won’t send you spam in the foreign language you can actually read lol.
Okay first of all I’m offended that your spammers think that you need *better* followers because… I am the best freaking follower ever. Duh.
Second of all…. now I’m curious to know what kind of spam comments I get since I usually just mass delete them. I’m still so impressed that you can recommend books based on spam comments because that is super hard – I mean I can’t even recommend books in general so you’re already ahead of the curve there! I’m glad you ended up going with this topic because it was fun to read. I hope you had fun writing it 💜
leelynn @ sometimes leelynn reads recently posted…Blog Tour: Forest of Souls by Lori M. Lee | Review + Playlist + Dream Cast
Bwahaha, there could never be better followers than you. They clearly don’t know what they’re talking about.
Whaaat? These people took all that time to copy paste and ridiculous message and you didn’t even have the decency to glance at it?! For shame, Leelynn. I definitely had fun writing it. xD To be fair, I could recommend books to a paper bag. And have fun doing it. And then probably wonder why a paper bag would need books … hmmm …
Thanks for posting this, Sammie, you made me COL (chuckle out loud). 💜
I look at the url as a matter of course. Makes me chuckle when they say they “liked my important information in my post” when all I blog about are my thoughts about what I read. 😂
Flora recently posted…Flora Meets: Dianne Duvall author of Broken Dawn
I’m glad you liked it! I get those, too. Or things that say how informative my post was, and it’s on something like a blogger tag. Not that informative, yo.
Hahah, I love this post! So funny, but also genuinely great book recs! I keep wanting to read that Justina Ireland series but I just haven’t had time yet. 🙂
Thanks! I think you’d like them. But I totally hear you about the whole “finding time” thing. There are so many things I’d love to read … when I find time. xD
Haha! Great post, Sammy! Lately, I feel like I’m getting more spam comments than real ones… Well, at least most of them are positive? 😀 I’m glad you found a way to be creative with that — I had a good laugh!
E. @ Local Bee Hunter’s Nook recently posted…#5OnMyTBR — 5 Books about LGBTQ+ History
I always get more spam comments than real ones. I mean, the filter means that it catches them so I just have to dump them and move on, which is nice, but still. xD Darn spammers are persistent.
Spam. Ugh. I’m especially not enjoying the latest inappropriate spam I’ve been getting. Love how you made something unpleasant fun! <3
Dedra @ A Book Wanderer recently posted…ARC Book Review | Ordinary Girls by Jaquira Díaz
This was a really clever post! I don’t see most of my spam comments because I have a spambot that filters them out, but on the rare occasions I’ve looked at them, they’ve been… interesting to say the least.
Ren Strange recently posted…Book Blogger Hop: Indie & Used Bookstores
Sammie, this post is amazing and I love it
This is such a creative and hilarious post!! Honestly, my spam is annoying. For the past few months, I’ve been getting ~3k spam comments every 2-3 weeks or so saying the same exact thing and it’s so annoying to have to go and delete them 20 at a time. I mean 3 thousand!! But now that I’m trying to remember…I have no idea what they say 🙈😂 Also, the one about the end of times!! I used to get that all the time and I always found it hilarious how they had a super-duper long comment where they offered “evidence” of this and then asked me to convert…like, I’m impressed that you took the time to write all that (or copy and paste) but also, I’m not ready to convert, thank you very much
Anyways, I haven’t read any of these so I can’t wait to check them out!! Great post 💖
Holy cow, that’s a lot of spam. o.0 I don’t get nearly that much, so I guess that’s why it’s manageable for me to read them haha.
Right? I want to know what they think that’s actually accomplishing, too? Like props to you for typing all that, but I’m not reading it. Haven’t you heard it’s the end of times?! xD
I knoww. I’m honestly wondering if there’s a way for me to just, IDK, permanently get rid of that comment? Haha, and now that they have so kindly given me 64 examples already, it’s a Spanish sentence that says, “Thank you very much. How can I log in?” ??? I’m confused 😂 At least they chose a language that I do semi-understand lol
🤣 Sorry bro, but I gotta spend my last minutes on Earth reading all the books 😂❤
I mean, that was very generous of them, compared to my random languages I don’t speak haha. You can block keywords, and I think that sends them to the trash instead of spam? So if there’s an obscure word from the comment that legitimate commenters aren’t likely to use, you can always try blocking that.