Fantasy Jobs I’d Like to Apply For (Ft. My Untimely Demise, Almost Assuredly)

The hardest part about growing up is deciding what career you want to spend the rest of your life slaving over.

And since reality is so depressingly devoid of anything interesting like dragon rider, chimera breeder, or unicorn handler, this decision is usually a bit of a bummer. Don’t get me wrong, I love my job at the library, but it doesn’t really measure up against riding freaking dragons, does it? I rest my case.

Today’s Top Ten Tuesday is characters whose job I wish I had. Since I mostly read fantasy, I decided I’d just narrow that down a bit more.

Since I mostly read fantasy, I also realize that my mortality rate is likely close to 100%. I’m not entirely delusional here. I realize just how dangerous undertaking any of these jobs would be. I just don’t care. 10/10 would try them anyway. I could think of worse ways to go.

Jupiter North
(Nevermoor)

Owner of Hotel Deucalion, member of the Wundrous Society and League of Explorers

Estimated mortality rate: 97.289%

Likely to die from: Wandered into the wrong alley and never wandered back out

If I’m honest, I’d be content to just be owner of the Hotel Deucalion, full stop. With a hotel like that, why would you even want to go anywhere else? Honestly. It’s far too many rooms of wonder, slight danger, and the utterly impossible and absolutely fantastic.

Since the Hotel Deucalion takes after the world it resides in, though, it’s understandable why one might want to become an explorer. After all, if there’s so much wonder and whimsy in one little hotel, what must the rest of the world be like? Other than absolute chaos and a light layer of charming to cover the absolutely horrifying underbelly, of course.

There are so many things that would likely kill me in this world, but the one I’m willing to bet on is a Tricksy Lane. Tricksy Lanes are anomalies where streets, alleys, or walkways transform as you walk down them, which can be as harmless as reversing gravity, or deadly as stealing all the air from your lungs. Which, you know, isn’t great. With my luck, I’d probably find one of those.

Karma Moon
(Karma Moon: Ghost Hunter)

Ghost Hunter & Docuseries Researcher

Estimated mortality rate: 82.39%

Likely to die from: You know that urban legend where a teen has to spend the night in the cemetery and leave a stake at midnight to show they did it, and then they’re found the next day having died of fright with a stake in their clothes? Yeah, that. Whatever the medical term for giganticus chickianica is.

I grew up watching ghost hunting shows, like the Ghost Hunters TV show., which was probably my favorite thing to watch as a teen. I know that, technically, ghost hunting can be tedious, and Karma finds that out a bit, too. However, combine the ghost hunting with Karma’s job to research the building they’re studying, and I think it’d be a fun thing! You know, especially if real ghosts are involved. 😉

Thurvishar D’Lorus
(A Chorus of Dragons)

Lord Heir of House D’Lorus, Academic, Writer, Voice of Reason

Estimated mortality rate: 1,820% (resurrection is totally a thing in this world)

Likely to die from: Attempting to ride the Old Man (a dragon). Three times. Attempting to tame him at least five times. Probably eaten by horrors best not named at least twice.

Not to brag or anything, but I am super qualified to be the voice of reason who’s largely ignored. I’ve got plenty of practice at it, so I could totally fill Thurvishar’s role here. More than that, Thurvishar is an author and an academic in a world that severely needs both. It’s a dangerous job, but I’m up to the task! It’s a super fascinating world, and I would actually love to be able to study magic, especially, in it.

Arthur Parnassus
(The House in the Cerulean Sea)

Head of the Marsyas Island Orphanage

Estimated mortality rate: 29.43%

Likely to die from: Sleeping through Lucy’s nightmares. House likely to fall in around me, in the best-case scenarios, or other worse experiences.

Arthur absolutely melted my heart. I’ve always wanted to adopt children for exactly the reason Arthur did: to give them the safe home to grow and thrive that they so desperately need and deserve. Arthur’s patience and attentiveness when it comes to the children just makes me melt every time. Unlike all the other jobs on this list, this one’s really just a feel-good one and probably the one that’s simultaneously the most work (emotionally and otherwise) and also the most rewarding.

Lian
(Black Leviathan)

Drachenjager (dragon hunter)

Estimated mortality rate: 100%

Likely to die from: Pros: I found the dragon. Cons: The dragon found me, too.

To be fair, the Drachenjager don’t always hunt leviathans. In fact, they almost never do. So I might stand a chance. In a world where society is completely built around dragons, hunting dragons in order to produce goods makes sense. This world, though, is just amazing. I’d just want to travel around and explore everything. Is that too much to ask?! (Also, I would totally hunt a leviathan because why the heck wouldn’t you, just to at least see it once?!)

Warlock Holmes
(Warlock Holmes)

Supernatural Detective, Warlock

Estimated mortality rate: 328.91% (the lines between life and death are a teensy squicky here)

Likely to die from: Think of the worst death imaginable. Now multiply that by 2.45. The supernatural forces here are some serious business.

If I had Warlock’s powers, I would … almost assuredly abuse them, okay, but not nearly to the extent that Warlock does! I’m the sort of person who should never be given powers, but I would for sure make the most of them. Plus, solving crimes involving supernatural creatures sounds like a heck of a lot of fun.

Enna
(The Will and the Wilds)

Studying the Mystings

Estimated mortality rate: 99.384%

Likely to die from: Being eaten alive by mystings. Except in that small fraction of a percent where I somehow trick a strong mysting into loving and constantly saving my pitiful self.

I absolutely love the different mystings that exist in this world described in this book. I’m super curious about what other mystings are in this world, their culture, their society, and their history. I’m just nerdy enough where this would basically be a dream come true for me. Well, until I’m brutally torn apart or eaten alive, but hey, science sometimes requires sacrifices.

Charley Sutherland
(The Unlikely Escape of Uriah Heep)

Reads characters out of books and brings them to life

Estimated mortality rate: 96.28%

Likely to die from: Dragons? Any number of characters I bring to life? Look, I don’t have good judgment when it comes to characters. There’s no telling which one gets me in the end.

Okay, so this isn’t technically a job, but by gosh, it should be! I should probably apologize up front for what the characters I read to life will do. In my defense … they’re kind of sexy? Sociopathy is sexy, right? And sarcasm. And a total disregard for the rules. Think of how fun it would be, though! Necromancers and witches and warlocks and dragons and superheroes. I would have fun with this, for sure. The rest of you, maybe not so much, given what I’m likely to unleash upon the world. Oops?

Claire
(Library of the Unwritten)

Librarian in Hell’s Library, Unwritten Wing

Estimated mortality rate: 97.94%

Likely to die from: Demons. How or why, I don’t know, but it seems likely that I’d do something to anger them.

Listen, librarian in general is kind of a dream job for me to start with. So when you add in all the wonderfully mysterious and dangerous books that exist in Hell’s library, especially the unwritten section? That’s gonna be a big yes for me. Especially once you realize that books can basically come to life. Heck. Yes. Where do I sign up?!

Madelaine Maxwell
(The Chronicles of St. Mary’s)

Historian

Estimated mortality rate: 100% (I mean … eventually)

Likely to die from: Pffft … I dunno. Pick a time period and then roll the die. Eaten by a dino? Trampled to death on a battlefield somewhere? Follow a dodo off the wrong cliff?

The job of a historian is sort of a boring one … unless you work for St. Mary’s, of course. In that case, you get to study history in contemporaneous time. Time travel, folks. It’s time travel. I’m very unlikely to survive the events of the past, but I would 100% still like to go visit and experience them first-hand. Especially the dinosaurs. How neat would that be?! It’s all my childhood dreams come true … and likely some of the nightmares, too.

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