Qualifications for a Book Girlfriend/Boyfriend | Let’s Talk Bookish

Let’s Talk Bookish is a weekly meme, hosted by Rukky @ Eternity Books & Dani @ Literary Lion, where we discuss certain topics, share our opinions, and spread the love by visiting each other’s posts. It’s supposed to be posted on Friday, but being on time is hard and it’s better late than never.

This week’s topic is: qualifications for a book girlfriend/boyfriend.

I’m going to be honest with you. My book crushes tend to be … how shall we say … ill-advised? The majority of my fictional crushes can be summed up with the phrase, “I know they’d be likely to kill me/get me killed, buuuuut …” This is obviously perfectly reasonable and logical qualification for fictional crushes.

All this just to warn you that my qualifications may be a tad bit unconventional. But hey, it takes all types, right?

Romantic Qualifications:

Good with knives and swords.

There is nothing sexier than a man (or woman, really) with a big sword who knows how to use it … if you know what I mean. 😉 Which is, of course, that stabbing bad people is sexy. Duh. I’m a sucker for characters who step lightly and carry a big sword in pretty much any and all settings.

In lieu of a sword, magic is also an acceptable alternative. Not always as sexy, but it can be. It’s all in the way that you use it, of course. Fire is forever sexy, and that’s a hill I’m willing to die on. Or maybe I’ve just been spoiled by Avatar: The Last Airbender and all those years in my childhood I spent pining over Prince Zuko. *shrugs* I might be a little biased.

Bonus points: Owns a talking sword.
Extra bonus points: Talking sword is hella sarcastic.
Extra bonus bonus points: But not quite as sarcastic as its owner.

Questionable morals and values.

Nobody likes a do-gooder, right? Okay, well, I’m sure some people do, but you’re in the wrong place if that’s the case. You must’ve take a right instead of a left. I don’t know. You might want to back away slowly, though.

My favorite characters don’t necessarily abide by whatever their society deems as “right” and “good.” Because pffft, how overrated is that, am I right? I’m not saying that they should be 100% irredeemable villains, because that’s not attractive at all. But they’re definitely not winning awards for being upstanding citizens. It’s kind of fun to walk on the wild side now and then, though, isn’t it? Conforming is definitely overrated.

Bonus points: They have their own concrete system of morals and values. It just doesn’t match up with society’s.
Extra bonus points: They realize they do, in fact, have morals and values after all, contrary to popular (and their own) beliefs. It’s quite accidental, really.
Extra extra bonus points: They’re absolutely horrified by this realization and attempt to prove that they definitely don’t, but keep messing it up and further proving that they do.

Proficient in sarcasm.

Polite characters are entirely overrated. I want a character who will run off their mouth at the absolute worst times because that’s really the only way they know how to speak. Okay, so maybe you shouldn’t snap at the guy who’s threatening your life and insult them, but if you’re about to go out anyway, why not get off one last insult?

It’s even better if the character has a dry sense of humor. The sort the British have absolutely perfected. I cannot even begin to tell you how much I love dark/dry humor, and it marries absolutely perfectly with sarcasm. I tend to find sarcastic characters funny, and I think we can all agree that humor is an attractive quality in anyone.

Bonus points: It comes so naturally to them that sarcasm just flows forth without them even thinking about it.
Extra bonus points: They don’t even know how to speak in a way that isn’t sarcastic.
Extra extra bonus points: Sarcasm is so engrained in them that they even think sarcastically. They talk to themselves sarcastically. Screw water—at this point, they’re just 99.835% sarcasm.

Comes with a killer squad.

Literally. Figuratively is okay, too, but not quite as much fun. If I have to deal with a significant other’s friends, they might as well be fun ones, right? Who wants to spend all their time with lame people? I absolutely love squads. The tighter, the better. I want to feel like a part of the family.

You know those books you read where you absolutely fall in love with every single character and can’t imagine ever separating them? I want one of those, please.

Bonus points: If most of their squad is like them in all the most important ways.
Extra bonus points: Their squad is more than willing to embarrass them in the best ways. Like airing all of their dirty laundry in front of me.
Extra extra bonus points: The squad is ridiculously loyal and would risk their lives to save my significant other in a heartbeat. I want to know that their squad has their back, not worrying constantly that they’ll stab them in the back. It’s a concern that comes into play with the characters whose company I keep, I assure you.

Has all the makings to be a hero, but only when they really, really, really need to.

And honestly, they would rather be doing anything other than saving the world/other people. It’s so dang inconvenient. What a hassle. I don’t want a hero, per se. Heroes tend to be full of themselves and always saving the day and any number of annoying things. I want someone who does the right things at the right time. Probably for the wrong reasons, but I can definitely live with that. Also probably unintentionally. Stupid reflexes and instincts taking control.

Reluctant heroes are the most fun, because they’re not necessarily out there looking for trouble or trying to save the day. They just sort of stumble across it, grumble a bit, and then get the job done.

Bonus points: They save the day, even if they break a few (dozen) rules doing it. But they get a pass. This time.
Extra bonus points: They constantly remind you that they aren’t a good person. They insist on it. Even while they do a good deed.
Extra extra bonus points: The thought of being a hero actually disgusts and horrifies them, because why would anyone want to do that?

Marginally able to follow rules. Sometimes.

Following rules all the time would be boring. Ugh. So many of them to follow and so few that actually make any sense, am I right? It’s much more fun to occasionally follow the rules, often bend them, and forever find loopholes. You know, it’s legal-adjacent—not quite legal but not quite illegal, either. Rules were meant to be broken, and finding the right way to break the wrong rules is incredibly attractive. So if having the intellect to know exactly how to use the rules in your favor while still being able to do whatever you want. I mean, technically it’s only murder if you get caught and they can prove it, right?

Bonus points: If they view rules as mostly guidelines and suggestions.
Extra bonus points: If they don’t necessarily break the rules, but maybe bend them just a teeeeensy bit. I mean, it’s important for things to be able to bend and not break, right?
Extra extra bonus points: If they’re able to find loopholes to the rules and their logic is sound, so it’s really hard to argue when they say they didn’t, in fact, break the rules.

Characters That Are Dating Material

Finian de Seel
The Aurora Cycle

Pros:
✔️ Particularly fluent in sarcasm.
✔️ Flirts like a boss.
✔️ Has a big ship. Which is not a euphemism.
✔️ Adept at coding and all kinds of wonderfully nerdy things.
✔️ Loyal to a fault.
✔️ Slightly socially awkward, which is absolutely adorable.

Cons:
❌ Large family. Like … ridiculously large.
❌ Actually likes his family, for some unknown reason, and would probably expect to spend time with them at some point.
❌ Currently kind of wanted by, like, everyone. And not in a “everyone finds you charming” kind of way, but more in a “you have been found guilty of” kind of way.
❌ On second thought … I could probably live with that last one …

AIDAN
The Illuminae Files

Pros:
✔️ Prioritizes the people they care about and would do anything for them.
✔️ Writes super romantic poetry and draws romantic pictures.
✔️ Obviously super intelligent.
✔️ Decent conversationalist. Will give you their rapt attention. Mostly.
✔️ Does their best, bless their heart.
✔️ Has infinite capacity for learning and growing.

Cons:
❌ Not technically human.
❌ I mean … AI’s are kind of people, too, right?
❌ Technically a mass murderer … but does it really count if you kill people for all the right reasons?
❌ The relationship would be a little complicated. And that’s probably putting it mildly.

Teraeth
A Chorus of Dragons

Pros:
✔️ Extremely proficient in sarcasm.
✔️ Good with a knife.
✔️ Allegedly good at other things, too.
✔️ Cares about people. Just has difficulty showing it.
✔️ Death is somewhat temporary. Likely to not stay dead.

Cons:
❌ The stereotypes about mother-in-laws don’t even begin to come close to summing up his mother.
❌ Horribly messy past life that keeps interfering with current life.
❌ Is kind of in a cult. Not necessarily a deal breaker, but it does complicate things.

Enrique Mercado-Lopez
The Gilded Wolves

Pros:
✔️ Ridiculously passionate about history … for some reason?
✔️ Look, I don’t understand it, but I do find it extremely adorable.
✔️ Can sarcasm with the best of them, even if it’s not his default mode.
✔️ Is really just a big marshmallow who is looking for a place to fit in and be accepted.
✔️ Super intelligent with the ability to be cunning when he wants to be.
✔️ Loyal to a fault.
✔️ Keeps company with the most interesting people.

Cons:
❌ Follows a tad bit too blindly.
❌ Doesn’t always see what’s right in front of him.
❌ I mean, cluelessness can be adorable, but there’s clueless and then there’s clueless.
❌ Doesn’t play with knives. Very disappointing.

Silas
Sorcery of Thorns

Pros:
✔️ Good with knives and all manner of pointy objects.
✔️ Perfectly okay with stabbing people.
✔️ Probably would be fine with other unsavory things, too.
✔️ Impeccably loyal and protective.
✔️ Great at cooking and performing household chores.
✔️ Well-kempt and well-dressed.
✔️ Has a sexy accent.
✔️ … I know it’s a book character and I technically can’t hear his voice, but give me this one, okay?!
✔️ Sarcasms and snides like a professional.

Cons:
❌ Not technically human. Human-adjacent?
❌ Fine, he’s a demon. Not a deal-breaker, but it does complicate things.
❌ Also technically bound to someone else? See above.

Teagan Frost
The Frost Files

Pros:
✔️ Reluctant hero who would rather not, thanks.
✔️ Can move things with her mind, which is super cool and convenient.
✔️ Comes with baggage but carries it well, so good on her.
✔️ Only knows how to sarcasm. That’s it. That’s all that comes out of her pie-hole, whatever her intention.
✔️ Comes with a squad I could learn to love. Mostly.

Cons:
❌ A little too good at getting herself into trouble.
❌ Not as good at getting herself out of trouble.
❌ The trouble isn’t necessarily her fault, but I don’t need that sort of hassle in my life.
❌ Turns out certain things become a problem when you move things with your mind when you have heightened emotions. *cough*
❌ Is stuck living in LA. Who wants to live in LA?!

Serefin
Something Dark and Holy

Pros:
✔️ Puts the “hot” in hot mess.
✔️ Someone dialed his sarcastic meter up past maximum and broke the controls. It’s stuck there now. Forever.
✔️ Completely clueless and oblivious, in an adorable sort of way.
✔️ Somehow manages to be just competent enough to not die, but that’s about it.
✔️ Proficient in logic and strategy, which is kind of sexy.
✔️ Shows strength in the most unexpected ways.
✔️ Not exactly a hero, but not necessarily a villain.

Cons:
❌ A hot mess is still a hot mess, regardless of how hot it is.
❌ Has a drinking problem.
❌ … has a lot of problems.
❌ Marginal grasp on his sanity.
❌ Pffft, sanity is overrated anyway, right? Not really? Oh, okay …

Jane McKeene
Dread Nation

Pros:
✔️ Proficient with all sorts of pointy weapons.
✔️ Loyal … ish. Mostly?
✔️ Very sarcastic. In the best way possible.
✔️ Knows how to make the best of a bad situation.
✔️ Has a high self-worth, despite what society tells her, which is extremely attractive.
✔️ Refuses to deal with other people’s BS.

Cons:
❌ ZOMBIES. Zombies are a non-starter for me, thank you very much.
❌ Comes with an awful lot of baggage that I am not equipped to handle.
❌ Is more of a “free spirit,” and not settling down seems like a hassle.

Gideon the Ninth
The Locked Tomb

Pros:
✔️ Lives and breathes sarcasm.
✔️ NECROMANCY! I mean … she can’t … but it exists, so I’m counting it.
✔️ Carries a big sword and knows how to use it.
✔️ Dressing like a skeleton is kind of sexy.
✔️ I have a thing for red-heads.
✔️ Is an overall badass, and that’s an irresistible trait in anyone.
✔️ Loyal … ish. Begrudgingly so, but I’ll take it.
✔️ Probably thinks she’s a villain, but is obviously a hero.

Cons:
❌ Has an extensive collection of dirty magazines. When you combine that with my endlessly growing collection of books, where would we possibly put it all?!
❌ Comes with a ridiculous amount of baggage. By that I mean the entire Ninth House.
❌ Falls for a pretty face a little too easily.

Lightsong the Bold
Warbreaker

Pros:
✔️ Handsome.
✔️ Is 100% made of sarcasm.
✔️ Flirts like a pro.
✔️ Lives in a palace with people who wait on him.
✔️ Is a god but is constantly attempting to disprove it.
✔️ More or less immortal.
✔️ Is actively trying really hard not to be a hero. Or even a good person.
✔️ Failing splendidly at both.

Cons:
❌ Handsome and he knows it.
❌ Overly pampered and self-centered.
❌ Awfully lazy.
❌ Sort of … dead? Undead? Not technically a zombie, but we’re treading awfully close to that territory.

What are some characters you think are dating material? Share in the comments below! Do we have any in common? (Are we going to have a problem here?!)

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