Lie About Your Age, Not About Reading Books || Let’s Talk Bookish

Let’s Talk Bookish is a weekly meme, hosted by Rukky @ Eternity Books & Dani @ Literary Lion, where we discuss certain topics, share our opinions, and spread the love by visiting each other’s posts. It’s supposed to be posted on Friday, but being on time is hard and it’s better late than never.

This week’s topic is: why do people lie about reading books?

Now, it probably comes as no surprise that people lie about things. You know, their height, their weight, their age, whether or not the Mets actually suck, who’s definitely going to make it to the Super Bowl this year, and how many books they can realistically read in their lifetime. The sad fact is that people lie. About all sorts of things.

Another undeniable truth is that people also lie about whether they read or not and, sometimes, what books they’ve read.

I’m sure you know at least one person. We almost all do. Mine happens to be in my family, but yours might be an acquaintance, a spouse . . . maybe even yourself? (It’s okay, we won’t judge you here. Mostly.) There are all sorts of bookish lies people tell regarding how many books they read, which books they read, and sometimes even just that they read at all! So let’s take a little look-see at this phenomenon, shall we?

Have I ever lied about reading books?

Since I’m going to be saying a lot of potentially controversial things, we might as well start with pointing the finger at myself, hmm? The short answer is, yes, when I was younger, I definitely lied about which books I read. The reason is sort of simple and one you might expect. The moment I remember best is in sixth grade, when we received points for each book we read and completed a test on. I had a bet with my teacher about how many points I could get by the end of the year, since I was such a voracious reader. Eventually, I hit a reading slump, though, and it fell off a bit, so I did what any sixth grader would do . . . I watched some movies and took the tests and barely passed them. But I got the points!

The point is this: almost everyone lies about reading at some point in their life. I want to establish this common ground, because I’m not above it, either. I’m just as much of a silly peon as the rest of you, caught up in bookish whims and pressures!

Reasons people lie about reading books.

Peer pressure.

Peer pressure is a thing. If your mother was anything like mine, you often heard the oft-said, “If your friend jumped off a bridge, would you?” Yes. Yes, I probably would. One, because bridge jumping is actually a fairly popular activity (or it was where I grew up). So it doesn’t sound nearly as crazy as you think it sounds. But second, there was a stage in my life where the only thing I wanted was to fit in and feel I belonged. So yes, absolutely, if I thought that was the thing that would divide me from my friend group, I could’ve been talked into it.

If it seems like everyone around you is reading except you, there’s a lot of pressure to pretend to do the same. It’s just human nature to want to fit in, isn’t it? So if it seems like everyone else has read a certain book that you haven’t or aren’t even interested in, it might seem easier to lie about having read it rather than ostracize yourself as the odd man out.

Fear of missing out (FOMO).

FOMO is a beast. It whispers in your ear and tells you that you are absolutely, without a doubt, going to regret that thing you haven’t done that everyone else has. It singles you out as the only one who hasn’t done X or read Y or seen Z.

When your peers are sitting around talking about books they love and you haven’t read any of them and have nothing to contribute, it can feel lousy. Most people just want to fit in. If you don’t feel like you can add anything to the conversation, you might feel compelled to lie just to get that feeling of belonging. So you don’t need to miss out of the conversation. So you’re not that odd man out.

Feeling the need to compete.

A lot of discussions have come up around challenges like the Goodreads challenge and whether or not it’s actually beneficial or whether it creates this sense of competition and pressure among readers. Well, this certainly goes to that. If you have friends who are always talking about the books they’ve read and how much they read, you might feel like you need to compete with them. Even if you don’t have time to read that many books or don’t even want to read that many books. Competing is human nature, plain and simple, so this one isn’t all that weird as far as motives go.

Wanting to sound/feel more intelligent or more impressive.

It’s hard to deny that there have definitely been sort of gatekeepers in the reading community. Most often, this seems to come up around classics, where some people make it seem like classics are the only books to read. The most important. The most worthwhile. If you haven’t read these classics, do you even read? What are you doing with your life?!

Bookish people can definitely get elitist quickly, which is no surprise. Historically, it was the elite who not only knew how to read but owned books. Public libraries as a thing of the people and for the people, to widely circulate literature, is a newish development, only being widely available (in the US at least) in the last 100-ish years. Even then, literacy rates were so low that it was still mostly a class thing. So it’s really not any wonder that reading has become so engrained in the idea of intelligence

Guilt.

Maybe you understand how important reading is. Maybe you agree with all the claims about the benefits of reading and you think, yes, I absolutely should read. And yet . . . there are certainly reasons that might impede that. You may not have time at the end of the day or you may be too tired. You may not have a high literacy rate and feel awkward or ashamed about it. Either way, you agree that reading is important and that you should do it, even if you don’t. So you lie about it.

Why lying about reading can be harmful.

This may be one of those things people see as a harmless little, white lie . . . but that’s not always the case. Lying about reading can be harmful in ways that people may not even consider!

It establishes unrealistic expectations that set people up to fail.

What happens if everyone lies about reading 50 books a year? If all a person hears is that everyone around them is reading 50 books a year, whether or not that’s true, they’re going to feel the pressure to do the same. Even if that’s not a realistic goal for them. It’s a horrible spiral, because if they feel like 50 books a year is an unattainable goal, someone might simply not even try and just not read altogether. Why bother when I can just lie about having done it? Or it could cause a sort of feedback loop, where someone might think they’re obviously doing something wrong by not reading as many books each year, so maybe they’re just not as good at reading as they thought and so they shouldn’t even bother.

It solidifies the idea that reading is a competition.

Spoiler alert: it’s not. Unless you want it to be, and then it absolutely can be . . . but you’re only competing with yourself. I’ve heard this a lot from people, that they feel like they’re doing something wrong simply because other people are reading more than they are. That’s definitely not a thing, though, I promise.

If you’re the sort who enjoys competing, there are definitely reading challenges and things that can be done for fun. That’s not what I mean here, though.

It adds undue pressure to a hobby that’s meant to be a fun stress relief.

Reading is good for you. I could link to any number of studies that have shown all the benefits, but I think we’ve all seen them ad nauseum at this point. The benefits of reading is just a fact of life, including the benefits to the brain and to stress. By adding all this pressure to the act of reading, you’re depriving yourself of these benefits. Reading should be fun and enjoyable, not a chore that you feel like you need to suffer through.

Pressure also has a habit of robbing people of the love they once had doing something they genuinely enjoyed. Even if you read for fun once upon a time, pressure can suck all the fun out of it and lead you to seek other hobbies.

It sends a message to children that reading isn’t important. Just lie about it.

I’ve actually seen this happen to family members, and it breaks my heart. When a parent repeatedly lies about reading in front of their child, who knows for a fact that they don’t read, it teaches that child that lying about reading perfectly fine. Why read all the books when I can just say I read about them and I get social credit for it, right?

I will say that this is generally not the outcome the adults are intending. For the person I know in my family who does this, it was actually done in an attempt to convince the child to read more because reading is important. It just sort of . . . backfired. This is one of those unfortunate side effects I’ve observed many times that most people don’t realize has happened until it’s too late.

It deprives you of actually reading books you might end up enjoying.

Again, why pick up actual books when you can lie about having read them without actually needing to read them?! But . . . what if that would have actually been your favorite book? What if you would’ve fallen so in love with it that you stayed up late at night because you couldn’t put it down? Certainly, this won’t always be the case with books people lie about reading. More times than not, in my experience at least, it seems like people lie about reading books they have no interest in reading in the first place. The point, though, is that you never know whether you would have enjoyed a book if you never even give it a chance.

It helps accentuate the literacy gap.

Lying about what you read may seem harmless and like maybe it’s only hurting yourself, right? But thanks to peer pressure and FOMO, a lot of times it’s people who struggle with reading who feel the most pressure to lie about having read things, especially in the case of sounding smart. It also might make these people less likely to reach out for help with literacy skills they may be missing if it seems like everyone around them is reading all these books. It can really make someone feel singled out and keep them from being honest and seeking services that could really benefit them.

I can’t tell you how many conversations I have at the library that start with someone saying they don’t enjoy reading when what they really mean is they’re not good at reading and don’t have neither the skills nor desire to read Sense and Sensibility (that makes two of us).

How to break out of the urge to lie about reading.

Know that not reading is a choice—and it’s okay if not reading is the choice you make.

I’m not gonna lie, as a book lover and librarian, I really hope you want to read. In fact, if you came into my library, I would 100% attempt to convince you to read. That’s my job. It’s something I’m passionate about, and I think there are so many benefits to it. However, I also respect the fact that not everyone reads . . . or not everyone reads books. I have a lot of people tell me they don’t read, including my sister, but she’ll spend hours reading a 100,000-word fanfiction. Guess what? That’s reading! Huzzah! *throws confetti* Don’t let the gatekeepers get you down. The benefits you gain from reading can be gained from reading fanfiction or articles or any number of things, not just from books.

Give yourself permission to read whatever you want and not read what you don’t want. Even if that means leaving the “classics” behind.

There’s an interesting narrative, in the US at least, that if you enjoy reading, you need to read the classics. That’s definitely not the case. Read whatever you want! As I mentioned above, reading fanfiction is a valid choice. Read smut. Heck, read snarky blog posts about books you love to hate. I don’t really care what you read, and neither should anybody else, because reading is a personal activity. Do whatever makes you happy and understand that no two people will love all the same books. So you’re not a fan of War and Peace. Why not try a modern romance, an inspirational mystery, or some stabby fantasy?

Stop competing with anyone other than yourself.

Nobody else matters when it comes to your reading. Compete against yourself. Challenge yourself. When I started blogging in 2018, I was reading 12 books a year (or I had in 2017), and I thought that was fantastic! One book a month, given my busy life? Great! Of course, then I started blogging and saw people reading 200 (200!) books a year. Sure, it’s a little disheartening. But you know what? I read 30 books in 2018 because I said if I can read one book a month, I can read two, right? I cut back on video game time and added a couple hours a week to reading. This year, I’ve already read 110 books midyear, and my goal will be that mythical 200 books.

I say this not to brag (because bragging about how many books you read is silly . . . did you learn nothing from this post?!). I say this because I want y’all to know that it’s possible. In a few years, I went from 12 books a year to 200. A lot of things went into this, though. First, I learned how to DNF books and didn’t suffer myself to read books I didn’t enjoy. I also realized I enjoy reading middle grade and YA books, which I can read a little faster but enjoy just as much. I started picking up more graphic novels and manga, too, which I’ve been loving! There are other posts on this blog where I talk about how blogging has changed my reading or how to read with a busy schedule, so I won’t belabor that here.

When you start competing with others, it can really suck the joy out of reading. When you start competing with yourself, though, it can be kind of fun. I love challenging myself (with no pressure, of course) to see if I can keep prioritizing my reading! It’s also ridiculously satisfying to look back and think how many more books I loved I’ve been able to read once I actually started trying.

Try a variety of books to find something you like. Not sure where to start? Ask a librarian for recommendations.

If I had a nickel for every time I heard the phrase, “I’ve tried reading before, and I just didn’t like it,” and they were referring to reading in high school . . . well, I wouldn’t be here blogging. I’d be off in the woods, retired, just wandering around and doing whatever strikes my fancy. So maybe it’s lucky for you that no one’s giving me those nickels, hm?

A lot of times, when people say this, I find out that they just haven’t tried books that pique their curiosity. They read whatever they think they’re “supposed” to read. Unfortunately, what works for one person doesn’t work for another. Heck, what works for a million people doesn’t always work for another (and that’s why the hype monster is so dangerous, but that’s a discussion for another time).

If you’re not sure where to start, go to your local library and ask for Reader’s Advisory. Basically, the librarian will do a little interview with you, find out what you enjoy and your reading level, and then recommend a book or two they think you would enjoy. Give them a try! If you get a ways in (I usually say 15% or 50 pages for me, but you do what works for you) and it doesn’t grab your attention, try another book. Don’t give up! Not all books will be for you, and that’s perfectly okay. You just need to find the ones that are.

Meet yourself where you’re at and give yourself permission to go from there.

If you aren’t ready for adult books, that’s okay! Be honest about it. You’re not doing yourself any favor by trying to struggle through books that are too hard for you. The same thing with classics. Even if you read adult books but you struggle with reading classics . . . don’t read them. Silly.

One thing I encounter a lot as a librarian is adults with lower literacy levels who are embarrassed about it and so just don’t read. You know what? I love nothing more when someone admits having a lower literacy level and lets me help them pick out books at their level and they realize that they do enjoy reading after all. It’s only happened a couple times, but there’s nothing more rewarding.

Reading is reading. There’s this weird fallacy that says adults can’t or shouldn’t read kids’ books, and that’s incorrect, especially if that’s where your reading level is. No shame! There are absolutely wonderful children’s books that you definitely should read, even if you can read older books. But if you can’t? Everyone starts somewhere. Don’t deny yourself the benefits of reading just because you’re afraid of someone judging you for reading younger books!

When someone asks if you’ve read something and you haven’t . . . be honest! Watch their reaction.

If they sneer or judge you, well, that says more about them than it does about you. Drop them like a sack of salt. You don’t need that kind of negativity in your life.

I think you’ll be surprised by how often it happens that someone will ask if you’ve read a book, you honestly say no, and that person will simply go on to tell you why you should read it and why they enjoyed it. Most people aren’t trying to trap you. This isn’t a gotcha moment. 97% of the time, if someone asks you if you’ve read a book, it’s because they either want to talk about how much they loved it or they want to recommend it to you. So be honest! Trust me, there’s nothing more fun than listening to someone tell you how much they loved a book they just read.

Why do you think people lie about reading books? What advice would you give them about it?

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